In the past few months the struggles have been many, yet the blessings that have come out of them have been SO rewarding. Through any struggle there is a lot of growing God wants us to do.
As the weeks and months start to go by, I have felt like I am growing and healing in many areas. THEN, as God does many times he shows me that I really am not doing as well as I thought. There have been a lot of hurts recently, some that have been going on for a few years. So, during all this one area I have had to work hard on is - forgiveness. I have a devotional book I am using this year and I opened it one day and saw the title "A Forgiving Heart". I thought "Oh, this will be a good reminder, but I have forgiven those that have hurt me." Then as it often happens, my heart was quickly pricked that I was not doing as well as I thought.
(I am going to reference this devotional several times so I want to give credit to the author, Mrs. Dora Hill a Pastor's wife from AZ.)
A statement that quickly caught my eye was "forgive - means to pass over an offense and to free the offender from the consequences of it; to grant pardon without harboring "resentment". On a spiritual level, forgiveness is our God-given ability to show grace and mercy to someone who has offended us."
This has been so difficult for me. I some how felt like I had the "right" to be resentful or want people to pay for hurting me. Especially those that have done it continually over the past few years. They "deserve" to have punishment or consequences for what they did to me. I was so wrong! That is our human/fleshly response. Our Spirit-filled response should be one of love no negative response or even thought. Yet, as we look at Stephen in Acts 6 we see what our response should truly be - "And he kneeled down, and cried with a loud voice, Lord, lay not this sin to their charge." Our Saviour on the cross said "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." Even though we may think that people hurt us intentionally (some may), most of them do not do it purposefully. They are blinded by their sin or self-centeredness they don't really know they have hurt us. I do that myself, even though that is hard to admit. Mrs. Hill made another statement that opened my eyes. "Stephen was being stoned by a crowd of"religious" men; men who, even though they had the very words of God in their hands, were self-righteous, proud, murderous, sinful men". It is usually Christians or even Pastors and Pastor's wives that hurt us, because that is who we associate with. As I have had to face my own unforgiving heart, I have had to come to realize that it is on me not them as to whether I forgive or not. I am the only one that is going to be hurt if I chose to not forgive. The summarizing paragraph from Mrs. Hill was very good. "Forgiveness is a God-given choice we make, and a mark of obedience to our God. When we humble ourselves in obedience to God, and choose to forgive another person, whether they deserve it or not, we grow in our image of Christ, thus becoming more like Him."
Now I don't want anyone to think I am tooting my own horn or saying I have this all together. I have a LONG ways to go to be where God truly wants me. I had a wise friend tell me, that I will need to keep reminding myself of this and keep forgiving. She was SO right, some days it is daily as I hear of actions of these same people. It is an ongoing process in my life right now. But, as I have studied "Being Faithful", this hit me as being part of it. How can I truly be faithful to God if I am harboring bitterness and resentment to those that have hurt me?
I hope in my ramblings above that I have been a help to someone. Any comments would be encouraging. I want to be real in my blog. I am NOT perfect and never claim to be or even close. I want to share what God is doing in my life as well as our family.
God does work daily as long as I let him!!
